no wedding party (posted by Susan)

There are many wedding traditions that I do not enjoy, appreciate, or think are tasteful.  One of these is the garter toss.  Another is the dollar dance.  One tradition that is often overlooked as an optional item is the wedding party.  I'm opting out because I feel that everyone in attendance should feel equally important, that it's a waste of worry and money to have people dress in uniform for this event, and that the people who help plan, as well as the people who participate in readings, etc., do these things because they want to and care about the couple, not because they feel obligated due to their assigned role.

I want everyone who is at the wedding to feel that they are important to us.  This is why we are having a smaller wedding and inviting all would-be wedding party members.  Rather than setting a small group of people apart and labeling them as "the best friends" in front of the others who didn't make the cut, I prefer to avoid the separation and impress upon all those present their vital role in supporting us during the wedding day and throughout the marriage.  Ideally, I prefer a wedding ceremony that allows for participation among the guests in order to reinforce that role - joining in song, responsive readings or prayers, and so on.  

I've witnessed a few weddings where having a wedding party has created undue pressure, worry, or stress.  I believe that avoiding it altogether is best.  If anyone wants to wear a similar color or outfit, then go for it.  We're going to decorate in fall colors, so if you want to wear something red, maroon, orange, yellow, or the like, feel free.  You can post a comment to this post to organize it if you want.

Rob & I are indebited to many friends and family members already for their help and offers to help as the date draws near.  We appreciate your efforts very much!  And if you offered but we haven't called on you, we will.  :)  I don't want to force you to wear funny clothes and separate from your date at the wedding in exchange for your help.  I will thank you, toast you, and express my gratitude to you in a heartfelt way.

As we are making decisions for the wedding day, I'm trying to be mindful of the role of tradition.  There are many beautiful wedding traditions.  Some are old and established for a reason and some are new, thoughtful, and fun.  The wedding party is out, but I hope that the importance it is intended to bestow is extended to everyone present.

Thank you for reading and understanding.